Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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