My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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