Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
