i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
