The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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