i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
