if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
