we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
