DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
