Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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