I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
