After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
