Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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