Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
