This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
