It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
