marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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