I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
