we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
