Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
