i just wanna soil my oats bro
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
