it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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