shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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