i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
