after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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