I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
