We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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