dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
