What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
