I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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