I didn't shave. On purpose
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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