I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
