Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
