I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
