did you get engaged???
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
