ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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