He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
