She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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