I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You ever have a fart follow you around?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
