No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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