??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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