I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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