I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
