My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
