So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
