I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
pray to the hookup gods
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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