At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
