i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
