I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
