I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
should my penis look like a turkey
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
