i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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